I can make you a man
by Her Royal Goddess
Summary: A bit of Halloween silliness inspired by a fabulous piece of art drawn by the marvellous Dena Gray. Hermione/Severus and a dash of the Rocky Horror Picture Show thrown in for laughs.


I can make you a man.

Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no money from this bit of Halloween silliness. RHPS, Harry Potter belong to their respective creators.

I just borrow their characters making them do depraved and despicable things before giving them a spit wash and sending them home.

_Isn't that just marvellous_ Hermione thought sarcastically as she traversed the cool clammy corridors that led to Professor Snapes classroom _my second day as the school librarian and I have to go and chase books that...that insufferable man checked out before the end of the last school year and hasn't returned. _She paused her internal rant as she reached her destination. Even now as a twenty four almost twenty five year old librarian with many life experiences behind her she still felt like a gawky first year around the dark forbidding man.

The thick wooden door was slightly ajar and the potions masters voice drifted through the gap in a rich and almost hypnotic tone, she smile as she recognised the speech he had recited in her first potion's lessons.

"_I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses... I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death-"_

"If you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach." Hermione couldn't help herself as she whispered along to the words with wry smile on her lips, as soon as she heard the hubbub of the students getting their quills and parchment out to write down those words of wisdom, Hermione took a deep breath, knocked on the door and entered the head snakes lair.

"Professor Snape I wonder if I might have a word with you regarding the book you borrowed, Advanced potions and cell regeneration using muggle science during the 1800s. Madam Pince left me a note saying that it was taken out during the Easter holidays." Hermione bravely made her way past the rows of pupils up to the large foreboding dark wooden desk.

Severus Snape glared at a first year boy who had made the mistake of openly watching the interaction between himself and the schools new librarian, satisfied the boy knew his place he turned his gaze and his sneer towards the intruder in his classroom.

"Ms Granger as I told your predecessor I will return the book once I have finished with it, unless that is... if there is someone else in this godforsaken school with a masters degree in potions and a deep understanding on muggle science in need of it?"

Unwilling to be cowed by the fierce gaze being bestowed on her Hermione ignored the trembling in her knees "As you are well aware Professor Snape there is not, however I'm now in charge of the library and while I don't agree with books being loaned out for an indefinite amount of time, I do have certain procedures in place for circumstances such as these." she retorted primly.

_Oh good Lord somebody help,_ her inner student whimpered as those black unfathomable eyes stared intensely at her. The moments felt like hours as she waited for his reply.

"Do you indeed? How very remiss of me not to know that Ms Granger"

Was she hallucinating or was he actually smirking at her, she pressed her lips together in an effort to stop herself from replying sarcastically to his comment. "No matter Professor, if you could just sign this long term book loan form I'll be on my way leaving you to teach these young impressionable minds potions" she produced a rolled up parchment and placed it on his desk "I fully understand if you want to read through it first."

The professor gave the parchment a quick glance over it's contents before adding his spiky signature to the dotted line at the bottom "I presume that is everything Ms Granger?" he drawled handing her the scroll back, with her nerves finally getting the better of her Hermione was only able to nod in agreement "Then if you don't mind, please vacate my classroom and leave me in peace" the almost smirk had vanished and in it's place was the what she would later describe as his teaching scowl.

Hermione fled the perfumed, smoky atmosphere of the dungeons in an almost undignified manner and was glad when she'd reached the library with it's clean bookish smell and calming nature.

It had been a couple of weeks since her encounter with the potions master and aside from a few choice words hissed between them at mealtimes she had kept her distance from him, in fact it wasn't until the book that had initially forced her down into his domain turned up on her desk late one evening did she think more about their encounter. Hermione was just about to put the book back on the shelf when curiosity got the better of her and she decided on a whim to take the thin tome back to her rooms to read in bed.

Hermione was buttoning up her pyjama top when owl tapping on her window disturbed her thoughts, knowing there was only one person who would send her owls at such an unsociable hour she quite happily wished for boils to appear in unmentionable places on her best friend Harry Potter. Shivering Hermione closed the window knowing that there was talk of there being a storm tonight and took the letter off the grateful bird who immediately flew off to the perch she'd installed for such an occasion, grabbing her mug of tea off the side she took both the letter and the book to her bedroom and crawled under the thick duvet on her bed.

First things first she thought and opened the letter.

_Dear Hermione_

_Sorry about the lateness but I've just got off shift and realised that I hadn't told you about your birthday treat next weekend. I have managed to score us tickets to see the Rocky Horror Show in York, costume is required but no fuss as I've got it sorted, I'm going as Riff Raff and you sweetie shall be dressed as my Magenta._

_It is going to be EPIC! Well I'll leave you to your beauty sleep._

_See you Friday_

_HJP_

Hermione laid the letter on top of the covers with a smile, while she enjoyed RHPS as much as the next person she wasn't as big a fan as Harry still after a few beers a good night would be had by all, finishing her drink she snuggled down under the covers an began to read Severus's book.

She had just finished reading a passage about Dr Frankenstein who'd employed a wizard named Jeremiah Holtz to brew a potion that supposedly had the ability to revitalise a dead body making it easier to wake the brain cells and therefore easier to restore life, in actuality the wizard was just selling badly made pepper up potion that did nothing but make the cadaver smoke at the ears. Hermione feeling her eyelids droop decided that it was time for her to go to sleep and slipped Harry's letter inside the book as a place mark, she couldn't help the giggle that escaped her as the image of Professor Snape dressed as Dr Frank-N-Furter (Corset, fishnets and heels) flashed in her mind, blaming her silliness on tiredness Hermione whispered Nox and closed her eyes, drifting quickly off to sleep.

_INSIDE HERMIONE'S DREAM:_

_Hermione heard her name being called by her master "Magenta come and watch my masterpiece be revealed and bring Riff Raff with you." hurrying down to the masters lab she grabbed Harry as he loomed by a large grandfather clock "Come along the Master doesn't like to be kept waiting"_

_She hated the French maids outfit her Master required her to wear, the castle was cold, draughty full of the Masters weird friends but she would do whatever he asked in the hopes of just a sliver of appreciation from the mad genius._

_The dungeons was the home of the Masters newest invention, she didn't know what the Master was making but whatever it was made her Master happy. On entering the circular room Hermione saw her Master proudly walk round the room dressed in his favourite black corset, fishnet stockings and shiny black high heels talking about his invention._

_Hermione watched mesmerised as the thin lips encased in deep red lipstick smiled as she entered the room._

"_Finally you're here Magenta. Riff Raff remove the covering. For many years I have been in search of the perfect specimen and now I have found him. __He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups. Do the snatch, clean and jerk. He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work. Such strenuous living I just don't understand. When in just seven days, oh baby, I can make you a man." _

_There on the slab lay fine specimen of maleness, long blond hair tied back with a black satin ribbon, the finely honed chest oiled and shiny, Hermione could feel the heat rising on her cheeks as her gaze travelled over the tight golden briefs._

"_Isn't he magnificent? He comes with the Charles Atlas seal of approval. Rise my pet...RISE!"_

_The dungeon air felt alive with electricity as the storm that raged outside the castle rattled the walls, there was an enormous clap of thunder, lightening flashed and the creation moved._

Hermione sat upright in bed, her hand flying to her heaving chest, what the fuck had she just dreamt. Tiredness consuming her once more Hermione snuggled back into her pillow and slept a dreamless sleep till it was morning once again.

A/N: Just a bit of Halloween fun based on a brilliant picture drawn by the talented Dena Gray. I hoped you enjoyed it.

Happy Halloween everybody.

Much Love

Her Royal Goddess Xx


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